I worked in the marketing industry for nearly a decade and felt like an imposter the entire time. It wasn’t that I wasn’t smart, capable, or decent at my job. It was more that the way I operated felt like a liability in the fast-paced world of advertising. 

I am inherently a reflective person. I struggle with being less-than-genuine, and I cannot bring myself to care about conversions and click-through rates. So when I was laid off, it felt natural to look for a career that didn’t require me to be someone I’m not. 

“When I was laid off, it felt natural to look for a career that didn’t require me to be someone I’m not.”

Now, I work in animal welfare. I feel like a much truer version of myself at work — and by extension, in life. This industry requires me to excel at the things I’m already good at, like caretaking, empathy, attention to nuance, and communication. Not only do my days feel better, but the things I was told I need to improve on in the past — like speaking up more frequently — are not an issue now. It turns out it’s easier to speak up when you feel invested in the conversation! 

“No matter what we’d like to change about ourselves, there’s a course, Instagram guru, or book that can tell us how to do it. So why aren’t we all ‘better’ by now?”

This transition has had me thinking: Do we really need to be focusing so much on fixing our supposed weaknesses? After all, self-improvement is a 16.5 billion dollar industry, and it’s growing every day. No matter what we’d like to change about ourselves, there’s a course, Instagram guru, or book that can tell us how to do it. So why aren’t we all “better” by now?

Maybe the path to success is less about identifying and annihilating what we’re bad at and more about embracing what we already do well. To test this theory, I spoke with a couple of experts about where our weakness-based approach to life comes from and how to shift to capitalizing on our strengths instead. 

Why are we so focused on our weaknesses, anyway?

You’ve probably learned that our propensity to focus on the negative is a gift from evolution. Threats and problems simply require more immediate attention than pleasant things. Capitalistic cultures especially know how to prey on this tendency, insisting that we’re not cool, attractive, or successful enough to be fully accepted. (Until we buy one more product or service, of course.) Add to that the echo chamber of the internet, and it’s really hard to say, “Nah, I’ll just focus on what I like about myself.” 

“Making progress feels good. Improvement and achievement bathe our brains in dopamine, a feel-good chemical that we all crave.”

Plus, making progress feels good. Improvement and achievement bathe our brains in dopamine, a feel-good chemical that we all crave. The social approval from a glowing performance review, a high score, or a “much better!” from someone we admire lights up our brain’s reward and pleasure circuits (AKA the mesolimbic pathway). But that reward system can work against us, too. It’s easy for progress to become addictive, making slower and gentler forms of growth (like rest and self-care) feel boring, unproductive, or downright bad. 

The less we’re able to be still, the more we lose touch with our intrinsic longing for expression, connection, and acceptance. That can lead us to seek more validation through improvement, creating a vicious cycle.

How to target worthwhile weaknesses, and leave the rest aside

“The most fulfilled people I know embrace both their gifts and their growth edges with…enthusiasm and grace,” says Communication Leadership Consultant and Coach, Stephanie Pittman. In her practice, she uses “‘honest strength mapping’ to identify superpowers, acknowledge limitations, and…determine which weaknesses deserve attention.” According to Pittman, life is too short to work on improving things that just aren’t in our wheelhouse. 

“The bottom line? A weakness is only worth improving on if it’s really standing in our way.”

So essentially, our self-improvement goals can have a seat at the table, but we’ll need to remove several chairs. “Not every perceived weakness needs fixing,” says registered integrative psychotherapist Claire Law. “Some people will always be introverted. That’s not a flaw. Some will never be naturally assertive or hyper-organized. That doesn’t make them broken. What matters is how those traits function in their life.” The bottom line? A weakness is only worth improving on if it’s really standing in our way. 

To determine which of your flaws deserve your finite time and attention, you might ask yourself: 

  • Would improving this help me feel more aligned with my values?
  • Would working on this create more freedom or connection for me? 
  • Does this cause me recurring stress or pain in my day-to-day life?
  • Is this consistently getting in the way of my goals? 

Whichever shortcomings meet those criteria deserve your compassionate attention. The rest you can put down. 

Why (and how) you can lean into your strengths

When we pare down the number of weaknesses we focus on, we’re also creating more room for our strengths — which, it turns out, is a great idea. Focusing on our strong points “can build confidence, create momentum, and help [us] feel competent and empowered,” says Law. Not only that, but leveraging our best qualities can make us just as successful (if not more so!) than the Sisyphean task of fixing all of our flaws. The positive feelings that come from centering our talents can literally expand our thinking and creativity. A strengths-based approach can also help us enter a flow state more frequently. And studies show it may even improve our overall wellbeing. Plus, I don’t know about you, but I feel like a happier, more magnetic person when I’m focused on my best attributes.

“Leveraging our best qualities can make us just as successful (if not more so!) than the Sisyphean task of fixing all of our flaws.”

Pittman and Law do warn that there can be downsides to fixating exclusively on our strengths too, of course. “Focusing only on what you’re good at can create a polished exterior while neglecting the messy, vulnerable work that leads to real healing. In some cases, strength becomes a defense mechanism,” says Law. However, it’s safe to say that for most people, the benefits of focusing on our strong suits outweigh the downsides. Leveraging our natural talents can feel more effortless and rewarding than slogging through improvement on something we hate. It’s a more sustainable path to fulfillment because it just feels better, so we are more likely to continue to prioritize it. 

So how exactly do you shift from focusing on what needs improvement to realizing what you’re already great at? Start by figuring out what the latter is. You can take a strengths assessment test, if you’d like. I also find that my loved ones are great at identifying what I’m good at if I ask them. You might also consider what gives you energy and what comes easily to you. And of course, ask yourself what you enjoy. 

When you have an idea of what you’re best at, there are tons of ways to put it into action. Here are a few:

  • Design your day around your strengths. When it’s possible, schedule the things you’re best at for the times when you have the most energy and focus. If you can, delegate the things you’re less good at to other people. 
  • Ask yourself how to get even better. You don’t have to give up on self-improvement if it’s something you enjoy. But it might be more fun to improve on something you’re already pretty great at. I like setting S.M.A.R.T. goals for this. 
  • Put yourself where your strengths are valued. In an ideal world, we would all have jobs, relationships and home lives that bring out the best in us. Until we live in that utopia, can you start looking for ways to inch toward a career, a relationship or a hobby that seizes on your best assets? Try journaling about what your life would look like if your top three strengths led the way. 
  • Brand yourself with your strengths. You are more than what you do, but what you do is a big part of your day! So, whether you’re a CEO, a dog-walker, or an influencer, can you find a way to “brand” yourself with your strengths? You might list them in your email signature, your LinkedIn bio, or on your business cards, for example. 
  • Use your strengths to help people. If you’re having trouble seeing the validity of focusing on your strong suits, try using them to benefit others. You’ll likely see how important your organizational skills, math genius, or creative flair can be when they benefit someone else. 
  • Use your strengths to identify new opportunities. Is there a need at your organization, in your community, or even in your family that isn’t being met? Is it something you happen to be really good at? Now is your chance to step in and make an impact. 

    You can start with smaller things too. Leave a sticky note on your mirror detailing your strengths. Or prioritize the tasks that you’re best at on your to-do list. These little reminders can add up to big mindset shifts with time. ✨

    Like most things in life, it comes back to balance. We’d do well to identify a small handful of faults that stand in our way, and counterbalance that with the things we know we’re great at. And since women especially can focus heavily on their shortcomings, I don’t think it would hurt to tip the scales in favor of our strengths. 😉 Personally, I’d much rather celebrate the fact that I know what I’m good at, and that I’ve found a way to capitalize on that in my career. 

    Now I want to hear about you. Do you feel like you focus more on your strengths or your weaknesses? Has reading this changed your perspective? Let me know in the comments!

    Nicole Ahlering is an animal adoption counselor at her local humane society. She’s also a writer. (So basically, everything she wanted to be when she grew up!) When she’s not working, she’s hanging out with her kitties and her partner, drinking iced espresso, or reading something non-fiction.