Most years, I don’t set resolutions. I’ve always shied away from the endeavor, not bold enough to announce my intentions because — well, what if I didn’t end up following through? The looming failure and embarrassment have been enough to deter me from even admitting to myself what I hope for in the year to come. Not to mention that the resolution itself seems to amount to a kind of failure: “I haven’t been able to do this (yet).” 🫠

It’s true for most of us, whether you usually set intentions or not, that the New Year’s resolution is embroiled in bad feelings. The resolution is usually a representation of somewhere we’ve failed in the past or a place we’d like to get to but don’t know how to reach. Insufficiency leads the charge when, after a holiday break full of allowing ourselves extra snacks, desserts, and leisurely moments by the fire, we try to snap back into action and become a new, more perfect person.

“It’s true for most of us that the New Year’s resolution is embroiled in bad feelings.”

This year, I’m trying to seize this opportunity to look ahead with a renewed vision for my life. Rather than simply avoiding all the difficulty and bad feelings around the resolution, I thought I’d examine them in order to reset the course. Where do our resolutions go wrong? And how can we set them right? This investigation was my first step in reclaiming the resolution for myself, towards a more sustainable and gentle approach to realizing my dreams for the year to come. I hope that if you feel inspired yet ambivalent about how to approach the new year, this helps you, too. 

Don’t forget yourself in the process

Picture yourself at this time next year, having made another revolution around the sun. Who do you see in your mind’s eye? Is she drastically different than who you are right now? If so, in what way? Or does she look familiar — maybe slightly older and wiser than you are now?

When we make resolutions, we tend to imagine a new version of ourselves. The version of us that takes up the resolution will be different, we think. She’ll do things right. She’ll do the things I’ve failed to do in the past. Who is this woman, except a more perfect person, without the desires and difficulties that make us set our resolution in the first place? This kind of thinking only makes it all the more unclear how we might ever get from here to there.

“Instead of ‘New year, new you,’ consider starting by embracing who you are.”

Instead of “New year, new you,” consider starting by embracing who you are — your faults, your strengths — and setting goals from there. Ground your resolution in things you actually want to do. That way, when you introduce a new practice into your life — be it working out, writing daily, or something else — it won’t be punishing and disorienting. Instead, your work towards your resolution will be a refuge where you can continually rediscover yourself, living the life you want. If you aren’t sure how to bridge the gap between your current life and the person you want to be, read on for more advice!

It isn’t about fixing things, it’s about clarifying them

The new year has traditionally been observed in the spring, when nature is renewing itself, too. It isn’t exactly natural to try to start anew in the depths of a cold, dark winter. Don’t forget that your thinking right now may be inflected with post-holiday feelings. Try not to let yourself be guided by backlash as you consider who you want to be in the coming year. Whether it’s backlash against our natural tendency to hermit in the winter, or to leisurely enjoy the holidays, it shouldn’t define how you approach the next 12 months.

“Try not to let yourself be guided by backlash as you consider who you want to be in the coming year.”

Resolutions are often made from a place of trying to fix something that’s gone wrong — but what if there’s nothing to fix? What if it is about moving from an intentional place to get closer to leading the life that you actually want?

A resolution doesn’t have to be “the end all be all” answer to a problem. Instead, let’s turn over the word “resolution” for ourselves. Yes, it can mean an answer or an ending, especially a happy one. (The problem here is that it implies the current situation needs some correction!) What about thinking of resolution as a process that ends with more clarity? A quick etymological diversion may be helpful here: The word “resolution” comes from the Latin resolvere (“to loosen, undo, explain”), with the meaning of breaking something down into parts. That’s why it can mean both finding the correct answer (an investigation breaks something down into parts in order to determine an answer) and increasing clarity (as in bettering the resolution of an image, where, for instance, you might increase the pixels).

“Think about your resolution as a gradual change, getting ever clearer on the life you’re meant to lead.”

In short, your resolution doesn’t have to put an end to anything. Instead, think about forming your resolution by getting clearer on what you want in your life. There’s a part of you that wants to move in this direction. Where does that come from? And what might it look like as a continuous practice? Cracking open a new way of being is hard work; that’s why it is slow work. Think about your resolution as a gradual change, getting ever clearer on the life you’re meant to lead.

Don’t be afraid to enlist help

If your dreams still feel big and unwieldy, don’t be afraid to admit that. Of course, most of our resolutions will be things that don’t come naturally to us, that baffle us somehow. And if we leave ourselves alone with problems that we don’t know how to solve, it’s likely that we’ll just spin our wheels. In fitness, career, finances, or wherever your focus may be, there’s probably someone or something out there to help.

“Most of our resolutions will be things that don’t come naturally to us, that baffle us somehow.”

I’ve written before about deciding when it is time to invest in yourself. It’s easy to get discouraged when the next step in our journey is unclear. I’ve often put pressure on myself to have everything figured out before I even try something new. Being vulnerable is part of growth, and allowing ourselves not to know is the only way one can actually learn.

Enlisting help can look many different ways — the most obvious being consulting an expert on how to approach your goal. Both the process of you discussing what you’re after and the expertise of a professional can help you get clearer on how to move forward. But there are many different ways to enlist help. It can look like picking up a book from the library, going down a YouTube rabbit hole, getting involved in a hyper-specific Reddit thread, or asking your friends who seem to have the subject figured out. However you decide to move, gathering (and filtering) information is a helpful step as you’re approaching something new. Be discerning with the advice you take — what works for some might not work for you — but don’t be afraid to engage and see what sticks.

Experiment to find what works for you

Even if you decide to hire a professional to give you direction, it’s still important to leave yourself open to experimentation and learning as part of your process. Often, our resolutions can get firm too quickly — and we might feel like we’ve failed if we don’t execute them exactly as we first envisioned. 

For instance, if you want to get in better shape, make sure you’re not forcing yourself to the gym with the expectation that’s the only way to advance. You might find that you like working out at home, going to a Pilates reformer class, or joining a run club works much better for you. (While some others will be gym lovers, and that’s okay, too!) Or if you’re deciding to double down on your idea for a novel, make sure you’re not overly committed to your writing process resembling the final product. You might need to take flights of experimental fancy, take daily walks to ideate, or join a writing group in order to progress. While not everything has to be utterly enjoyable on the way to your larger goal, your practice does have to work for you.

Since you’re trying to do something you haven’t successfully stuck with before, allow yourself some grace as you and your plans evolve.

How to create a sustainable intention for your new year:

  1. Begin with who you are

Rather than imagining a more perfect future version of yourself, begin by embracing who you already are — your desires, your difficulties, your strengths. Ground your intention in what you genuinely want to do so that any new practice becomes a refuge, not a punishment.

  1. Let go of the need to fix things

Resolutions made from backlash or self-correction rarely last. Instead of trying to fix what feels wrong, think of your intention as a way to get closer to a life that’s right for you.

  1. Consider enlisting help

When your goals feel big or baffling, it’s okay to admit that you don’t know yet how to reach them. Learning requires vulnerability, and support can come from many places — whether it be an expert, helpful book, or digital or IRL communities.

  1. Leave room for experimentation and evolution

Leave room for your intention to evolve. Practices that stick are rarely rigid from the start; they emerge through experimentation, adjustment, and grace as you learn what actually works for you. This is about crafting something for yourself, after all!

Do you have a resolution for the new year? Let us know in the comments what you’re aiming for and how you hope to accomplish it so that we can cheer you on! ✨

Ashley D’Arcy is the Senior Editor at The Good Trade. She holds an MA in Philosophy from The New School for Social Research and has contributed to esteemed outlets such as The Nation, 032c, and Yale School of Management’s Insights where she’s leveraged her expertise in making complex ideas accessible to a broad audience. In addition to her editorial work, she is training as a psychoanalytic mental health professional and provides care to patients in New York City. Ashley also explores sustainable fashion, clean beauty, and wellness trends, combining thoughtful cultural critiques with a commitment to mindful living.