We Asked Our Readers If They Share Finances With Their Long-Term Partners—Here’s What They Had To Say
Being newly married (as of late summer 2018), finances have been at the forefront of my mind. After all of the planning and excitement had dissipated from our wedding day, it was time to have the longterm financial discussion with my partner.
We did not go into our marriage blindly; we were together for four years, living together for most of that time before officially “tying the knot.” We had numerous conversations over the years pertaining to our finances. We discussed what our debt and savings looked like, how much we could contribute monthly to bills, and of course, what we both wanted for the future.
After we were married, we wanted to make sure we were still on the same page about what felt right for us and evolve the conversation into a longterm plan. We came to the conclusion that having a shared savings account that we can contribute to for travel and fun was the only joint account we wanted. We decided to keep our practices of splitting bills and keeping our personal finances separate, outside of the joint account.
We are very honest and transparent with one another and communicate openly about splitting costs and treating one another to dinners and outings. We have also found that apps like Venmo can be extremely helpful and almost feels like a joint bank account in a way, offering us the opportunity to send one another funds whenever needed.
Independence in our relationship is also something we deeply value and we both agreed that keeping our money in our own wallets felt right for us. I am sure that, in time, especially if children become part of the financial equation, we will restructure. We look at our finances as an evolving conversation that is always going to be adjusted based on the circumstances and different stages of life that we are in.
Because of the nuanced nature of finances, our team at The Good Trade found ourselves curious to know how other couples approach finances in their relationships.
We took to Instagram and asked our followers the simple question:
“Do you and your partner share your finances? Yes? No? And Why?”
Here’s what our readers had to say:
No, We have individual nest eggs
“No. We have been dating for three years now—we talk openly about our finances and goals, but we're both hyper-focused on becoming debt free. We have individual nest eggs (three months worth of living expenses) in savings and retirement savings. We talk about joining forces once our debts are paid off :)" - M
Yes, Sharing finances removes any discomfort, shame, or calculations regarding money
“Sharing finances removes any discomfort, shame, or calculations regarding money. The first year of our relationship we had separate finances and I'd either feel ashamed for asking for money when my income was lower, or would build debt in order not to ask! We also find that it creates more consciousness around the things we buy since we are buying them together. It creates a conversation.” - M
No, I want to get my head around it first
“We don’t. I’m bad with money, he isn't. I want to get my head around it first.” - D
Yes, but I still view our debt as his or hers
“Yes we have a shared everything. But I still view our debt as his or hers.” - D
No, We have a joint account for shared expenses only
“We have a joint account for our shared expenses that we add to monthly; however, we keep our money separate. We've done this for twelve years and it works for us because our spending habits are very different. We both show up and share expenses/budget together; however, we find that having individual accounts is an independence we both need in a responsible relationship. I grew up with my parents doing the same and it just seemed so logical.” - L
Yes, It demands openness and honesty between us
“Yes, because it demands openness and honesty between us; both of which are things that we have agreed are nonnegotiables in our relationship.” - M
Yes, We have a joint kitty that we pay into each month
“Yes, my boyfriend and I have a joint kitty that we pay into each month, and anything we spend when together comes out of that (obviously shopping comes out of our own personal wages). At the end of the month, whatever we haven't spent goes into savings for future holidays or nice dinners out, etc. But every month we pay the same joint amount into it. It's worked really well for us and enables us to be more free and do things. “ - B
Yes, but I regretted it instantly
“Yes, but I regretted it instantly. We did it as a sign of trust in the relationship—but I quickly learned that while we share many qualities, financial responsibility and spending habits was not one of them.” - N
KINDA, We have separate bank accounts AND I have certain bills I cover and he has some bills he covers
“Kinda, we have separate bank accounts but I have certain bills I cover and he has some bills he covers. I cover some of the bigger ones and we use his money for smaller bills and day-to-day living. This approach has worked for us—it takes trust that we are both living within our means, but also allows us to not scrutinize each other. Especially on how we spend money on small expenses that don't matter as much in the grand scheme of our love and commitment to one another.” - S
Yes and No, We put in the same amount monthly and everything is autopay
“We keep a joint account for rent and bills. We put in the same amount monthly and everything is autopay. Other than that, we keep everything separate. We take each other on dates. Sometimes we will split. It's easy, though, because we make relatively similar amounts. I think money causes a lot of issues in relationships and since we both have careers it doesn't make sense for us to pool our money. We might go into property together 50/50 eventually but I think that would be the extent of any joint funds.” - N
Yes, And we have a savings app
“Yes—we have a savings app and work towards goals and milestones. Team work, baby!” - S
No, I like to be Independent in my finances
“I like to be independent in my finances. However, my partner and I use an app to keep track of our expenses and keep it right between us.” - C
Yes, Joint accounts led to a more unified approach
“Yes; tried both, but found joint accounts led to a more unified approach to finances.” -S
No, But we have a shared bank account for the rent and groceries
“We have one shared bank account for the rent and groceries and an additional one each.” -K
Yes and no, We have our own accounts and then share one account for all bills and rent
“My husband and I have our own accounts and then share one account for all bills and rent. Even then, we share our finances because we think it's a great way to see the overall picture when it comes to planning for our life goals. I also think it is important to know when the other is going through a rougher patch with their finances to help support each other.” - M
We thoroughly enjoyed reading and gaining insight into this multi-layered topic. Finding the right approach in a relationship can be challenging, but through communication and openness, it can also be considered an exciting adventure to help each other grow. Thank you to those who took the time to share with us your honest and accessible approach to finances!
Do you share finances with your partner? Let us know in the comments below!
Courtney Jay Higgins is the Associate Editor at The Good Trade. She is also a Yoga Instructor, vegetarian, wellness and fashion enthusiast. Originally from Colorado, her soul found California when she came to get her degree in Visual Communications at the Fashion Institute Of Design & Merchandising. She has a background in telling a story through writing, creative direction and content creation. Check out her blog and Instagram for her unique perspective on the mergence of fashion and spirituality.