Understanding our physical needs and our energetic needs surrounding sex allows us to discover our own healthy levels of libido.
When we think of low libido we think of it as a temporary malfunction that we should be ashamed of, we throw the word around a lot in our relationships as a way to express what it is we are feeling in our bodies. The key is understanding what libido actually is and how to understand how it works in our own unique bodies. Everyone’s libido levels vary—there is no normal levels of libido because everyone experiences a different physical and emotional relationship with sex.
Libido became a more commonly used word when Sigmund Freud defined it scientifically as our “psychic drive or instinct, usually associated with sexual instinct”—essentially our innate desire to have sex. However, Carl Jung intuitively described libido as being our “sexual energy” and our “life force.” He believed that it is more than just a sexual response and instead more of a physical phenomenon that can’t fully be explained.
Both of these ways of defining libido feel very true. Low libido may be the result of our mind not yearning or thinking about the physical act of having sex or we are simply out of touch energetically with our emotional need for sex. Imagine for a minute what sex means to you. Why do YOU want it or not? Society leads us to believe that sex is a one-size-fits-all exploration, but what if our bodies are not wanting what society says that we should be having?
There are a variety of ways that we can tune into our bodies to discover what might naturally increase our libido and our physical yearn for sex to discover a deeper connection to our intuitive sexual energy.
Know your hormones:
Our bodies respond differently to sex at different stages in our cycles and it’s important to understand the signs of hormonal imbalances.
Hormones may be the most studied factor that leads to “low libido” in both men and women. Our hormones being leveled up correctly play a huge role in our bodies natural response to sex. For women, different stages of our cycle will effect if our bodies are wanting sex or not and understanding these different stages can greatly impact how well we can tune into our natural state of arousal. It is also important to understand the signs of hormonal imbalances. There are certain red flags that tell us if we need to do some self exploration into what might be off hormonally that is making us not interested in sex.
The power of physical touch—exploring Tantric Sex:
A meditative approach to sex that can help us to re-learn what it is our bodies are needing in order to be present.
Sex is commonly thought of as “intercourse” or reaching orgasm. But the word sex is a multifaceted exploration of our bodies with another or alone. Removing the need to get to the end result in sex and looking at it as a journey of exploration is the concept of Tantric Sex.
Tantric Sex is described as “a meditative approach to sex that emphasizes being in the present moment without distractions—including distracting thoughts about whether your partner’s feeling satisfied right now, how close you are to finishing, or even how much laundry you have to do later.” This practice can be extremely beneficial in increasing libido to help in re-learning what it is our bodies need and a way to gain a more intimate connection with our partners.
Ignite your senses:
This holistic approach of using scent to increase arousal has been used for thousands of years.
Scent is one of our strongest senses, it can bring back memories, calm our nervous system and energize our minds. Using essential oils as a way to unblock what may be holding us back from feeling our ultimate, confident, excited sexy selves can be a wonderful experiment in exploring what increases our sexual energy.
Because different smells can ignite different things, there are some oils in specific that have been used for centuries for sexual arousal like Jasmine, Clary Sage, Rose or DoTerra’s special blend called “Whisper.” Once you find the right oils or combination of oils, you can try diffusing them in your room or add them to carrier oils to make your own blend of massage oils. This holistic method of using scent to increase your sexual energy is a step into understanding what your body needs and a way to connect with your intimacy on a deeper level.
Make time for intimacy:
Practicing adding intimate moments into our lives often makes for consistency and allows it to become more second nature in our everyday lives.
As humans we create schedules, plan for time with friends, plan our meals for the week but we get caught up in the everyday pursuits and forget that we must make time for intimacy. Of course, scheduling times to be intimate may feel like it takes the fun out of being sexually spontaneous but if our libido is low our body might be telling us that it needs to re-focus on what it feels to actually be spontaneously sexual.
Planning for intimacy can simply mean committing to turning off all technology at 9PM and getting into bed together. It can also mean that you are going to draw yourself a bath instead of going out with friends and infuse the bath with your favorite sexual arousing oils. There are also studies that show that the use of porn can decrease libido. Instead of watching porn allow yourself to tune into your own sexual imagination either with yourself or a partner. Maybe you and your partner are going to plan a getaway together and you buy some undergarments that make you feel confident. Once making time for intimacy becomes a habit we can retrain our brains to look at it as a part of everyday life instead of a chore, because after all, things become easier with practice.
Courtney Jay Higgins is the Content Strategist at The Good Trade. She is also a Yoga Instructor, vegetarian, wellness and fashion enthusiast. Originally from Colorado, her soul found California when she came to get her degree in Visual Communications at the Fashion Institute Of Design & Merchandising. She has a background in telling a story through writing, creative direction and content creation. Her online blog hosts her unique perspective on the mergence of fashion and spirituality.