How can I talk to a new partner about relocating with me for my career?
Welcome to our advice column where our editors offer thoughtful answers to your pressing inquiries. Head here to submit an anonymous question, and follow here for new Good Questions.✨
Looking for some relationship advice! I’m in a new relationship and things are going quite well so far, I see long term potential. There is only one elephant in the room: I have applied for a job interstate (prior to starting this relationship) and it’s highly likely I’ll be moving to pursue my next career goal in 6–12 months. How do I initiate a healthy conversation about the possibility of moving interstate? And how do I ask him if he would ever make the move with me?
First things first, congrats on the gig! (And if you don’t have it in the bag just yet, our fingers are crossed!) I’ve always dreamt of having a job that requires me to travel, and have even applied to international jobs on a whim—“just to see,” ya know? This always leads to an excitable “what if?” conversation with my boyfriend, but more often than not, it ends with an “I guess we’ll cross that bridge when/if get to it”-kind-of-shrug from us both—so I applaud you for being proactive.
I’d first suggest broaching the subject in person. If the current climate of COVID-19 is making that unlikely, settle for a FaceTime. For something this important, you’ll want to avoid any misunderstood texts and tones. It’s already an unpredictable matter; why make it harder?
I’d also come to the conversation prepared with a handful of happy selling points on the new locale: i.e., what your partner would love about it. If he’s a foodie, what restaurants would get him giddy? If he’s into fitness, what gyms are nearby? And how could he continue his career, pursue a new one, or find a fulfilling hobby in the meantime? (Maybe he’s a gamer, maybe he’s crafty…) It’s important to consider how he’ll build his own community and his sense of self while in a new space.
Onto the stickier stuff; it’s time to get candid about a few things. Will this move make financial sense for him, too? If he currently lives near family, do they rely on him for anything? Speaking of family, are you two on the same page about your shared future? And, lastly, have you two successfully overcome any relationship issues that would be exacerbated by the stress of a move? Being honest now will help you both avoid possible feelings of resentment, imposed expectations, and other obstacles later on.
If he’s up for the adventure, yay! If he gives a bit of pause, be patient. When possible, take a trip to the new town together. And if he’s still not sold, maybe you both commit to a long-distance relationship for now—we promise it’s not impossible (here are a few tips). You can always revisit the conversation later on. Good luck! 🙂
Read more Good Questions here.
Have something on your mind? Click the button below 👇 ✨
Danielle Cheesman was born and raised in New Jersey, where she lived until moving to Philadelphia to study journalism at Temple University. She has spent her years writing and developing editorial visions for music, art, and lifestyle brands. Now residing in Los Angeles, you can usually find her taking pictures, making playlists, or cuddling her pup. Say hi on Instagram!