I was raised on rom-coms. Every Friday, my family would settle in for Domino’s Pizza and movie night. We would pile a bunch of blankets and pillows on the floor, completely ignoring the couch, and settle in for a big Hollywood picture. Since my mom was in charge of the remote, we saw a lot of romantic comedies — and there were so many to see! I’m sure these movie nights led to my eventual career in the entertainment industry, and they most definitely instilled in me a worldview and taste that came from those rom-coms of yore.

“Since my mom was in charge of the remote, we saw a lot of romantic comedies — and there were so many to see!”

So, when I came of age and started looking for love, I had a very theatrical idea of how it would enter my life. Surely, I would meet my future husband in some unique way. We’d be friends whose complementary neuroses slowly built into a shared flame of desire. I’d go on a trip abroad and meet a handsome stranger who swept me up in a whirlwind affair. We’d be coworkers, initially competing for the same promotion, but ultimately unable to hide our attraction to each other. The one place I was sure I would never meet him was online. Love wasn’t something you just ordered up like a pizza! It was magic, it was glamor, it was “Serendipity.” Both the 2001 rom-com and the concept!

The common wisdom is that the rom-com golden age began with Nora Ephron’s “When Harry Met Sally” in 1989 and continued unabated for a glorious 20 years. Big-budget romantic comedies permeated the 1990s and 2000s. Once I stopped wanting to spend Friday nights at home, you would most likely find me at a movie theater watching the latest romantic comedy with my friends: “Ever After,” “My Big Fat Greek Wedding,” “Hitch,” “13 Going on 30,” “The Proposal.” There were so many to choose from. 

“The common wisdom is that the rom-com golden age began with Nora Ephron’s “When Harry Met Sally” in 1989 and continued unabated for a glorious 20 years.”

Then, something shifted. Around 2010, just as I moved to New York in search of my own romantic comedy plot, the genre started to wobble. The movies, with big bankable stars like Kate Hudson and Kathrine Heigl, were flopping. What had once been a formulaic but big-hearted medium was now starting to seem, as the kids call it, cringe. Studios stopped investing in the genre and the classic romantic comedy died not with a bang but with a whimper. And I eventually cracked and met the love of my life on a dating app.

If my husband thinks about the Roman Empire once a day, I think about the Rom-Com Empire once a day. What happened to the glorious era of “When Harry met Sally?” Of course, rom-coms aren’t totally gone. There were still people living in Europe after the fall of the Roman Empire; they just lived in the Dark Ages. Similarly, you can find pale imitations of the once-great genre on the likes of Netflix, Prime, and the Roku Channel. (Yes, that’s a thing.) Today there are some admirable television rom-coms: “Bridgerton,” “Emily in Paris,” the new sensation “Nobody Wants This.” But it’s often their existence rather than their quality that makes them noteworthy. For the most part, romance has been relegated to forgettable low-budget imitations of what had come before. 

“If my husband thinks about the Roman Empire once a day, I think about the Rom-Com Empire once a day.”

As someone who makes her living in the industry, I know Hollywood is a cyclical business. So, are rom-coms poised to make a comeback or do we live in a post-romance era?

Much like their central protagonists, romantic comedies have undergone numerous makeovers and cycles of reinvention. Their first heyday came in the 1930s and 1940s in the form of the screwball comedy. One of the earliest and most famous was “It Happened One Night” starring Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert. In these early films, the sexual tension between the main couple is communicated through witty repartee and ridiculous situations. This wasn’t generally by choice; movies were subject to the Hays Code from 1934–1968 which forbade any lewd or suggestive scenes in movies. No one can pinpoint exactly why the screwball comedy disappeared, but some say that in the traumatizing wake of World War II, audiences no longer had an appetite for sniping lovers. They wanted movies with higher stakes. This era also coincided with the invention of television, which gave people the option to stay home for their entertainment. Movie production declined precipitously until the “New Hollywood” of the ‘70s.

“In these early films, the sexual tension between the main couple is communicated through witty repartee and ridiculous situations.”

Still, it is hard to pinpoint one reason for the demise of the rom-com genre. Just as the invention of television disrupted movie-making, the internet and streaming have disrupted our current entertainment ecosystem. Streaming has also created a serious cash problem in Hollywood. Without advertisers, theatrical releases, and home video sales, it is hard to make money on original ideas. Studios have increasingly gone all in on franchises like Marvel which have merchandising opportunities and international appeal. Action scenes are easier to sell than witty banter when you’re dealing with a language barrier. Add a pandemic, the increasing influence of Wall Street, plus a once-in-a-generation labor strike and the ground isn’t very fertile for a resurgence of the big-budget romantic comedy.

But, as a woman whose life has unfolded alongside the rise and fall of the romantic comedy, I know there is more to the story of its waning popularity. As my Hollywood ending continued to elude me in the modern dating world, I reexamined the lessons I’d learned from all those rom-coms in therapy. Turns out that many of the tropes that made screwball comedies and romantic comedies fun are spectacularly unhealthy in the real world. Cary Grant is a workaholic in “His Girl Friday.” Matthew McConaughey is a manipulative liar in “How to Lose a Guy In Ten Days.” Meg Ryan is a full-on stalker in “Sleepless in Seattle.” I knew something had changed in me when I rewatched that movie and was legitimately dumbfounded by Meg Ryan’s behavior toward Bill Pullman. The guy that had seemed like a dweeb when I was a kid was actually a very kind, understanding, thoughtful partner who just happened to have sleep apnea. Why was she going after a complete stranger instead?!

“Turns out that many of the tropes that made screwball comedies and romantic comedies fun are spectacularly unhealthy in the real world.”

As time has gone on, and conversations about gender parity, mental health, and consent have become less stigmatized and more widespread, our society’s views on romance have been irrevocably changed. Though some movements and certain politicians are trying to turn back the clock, most of us view relationships between men and women very differently than we did in the 1990s. This has been played out on the world stage through the MeToo Movement, the growing popularity of polyamory, and a decrease in birth rates across the globe. We are living through a long overdue confrontation of norms and expectations when it comes to families, love, and relationships. If rom-coms are going to make a real comeback, they’re in need of a montage-worthy makeover. The same old tired tropes and white bread pairings won’t get us very far.

“If rom-coms are going to make a real comeback, they’re in need of a montage-worthy makeover.”

One of the advantages of rom-coms retreating to the world of streaming is that it has allowed writers and directors to experiment more. We have seen the genre quietly expand into exciting directions in the last decade. “Red, White and Royal Blue” and “The Happiest Season” have brought LGBTQ+ representation. The Netflix series “One Day” re-cast Emma as a Pakistani woman — a brilliant change from the original novel (and 2011 film starring Anne Hathaway) that added a lot to the character. Movies like “Always Be My Maybe,” “Wedding Season,” and the recent “Rye Lane” are bringing previously marginalized communities to the forefront. If the rom-com is to survive, it must give us interesting stories from writers of different backgrounds — stories that give us fresh perspectives, grounded obstacles, and allow us to learn a lot more about love.

Love is powerful. It is, in my opinion, the most beautiful part of the human psyche. While love is complicated by many elements of modern life, the magic persists. Love calls on you to be brave, to take a chance, and to allow it to transform you. That’s where the new era of romantic comedies will need to live: transformation. How does this person help me grow into a better version of myself? How do I help them become their best self?

“Love calls on you to be brave, to take a chance, and to allow it to transform you. That’s where the new era of romantic comedies will need to live: transformation.”

Ultimately, the rom-com is about the fantasy of wish fulfillment. But isn’t it high time we wished for a journey of self-actualization and a partner who is our equal? The happily ever after is a sacrosanct tenet of the genre, but I could see a new trend where there is an equally satisfying happy ending, even if the lovers don’t end up together. Take “La La Land,” where the main couple’s love reignites something within them that allows them to love life in a new way. In this time of burnout and cynicism, isn’t that what we’re all looking for? A reason to believe in the goodness of life?

We need love stories. On a macro level, they remind us of the noblest parts of ourselves — the actions and desires that are driven by our hearts. In this sometimes brutal and materialistic world, the greatest gift comes from within ourselves. And for every person, no matter who they are, the miracle of love can happen. Perhaps it’s time we stop seeing the genre as a space for our fantasies and instead embrace all the ways rom-coms help us find the extraordinary in the ordinary.

If you are looking for some love stories to cozy up to this fall, here are my recommendations including some titles you may never have heard of!

Classic Rom-Com

1. “You’ve Got Mail”

2. “Notting Hill”

3. “Bridget Jones’s Diary”

4. “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”

5. “Crazy Rich Asians”

6. “Something New”

Love and Friendship

7. “When Harry Met Sally”

8. “My Best Friend’s Wedding”

9. “Friends With Kids”

10. “Sleeping With Other People”

Love Later in Life

11. “Something’s Gotta Give”

12. “Under The Tuscan Sun”

13. “It’s Complicated”

14. “The American President”

Holiday Love

15. “The Holiday”

16. “While You Were Sleeping”

17. “The Family Stone”

Magical Rom-Coms

18. “About Time”

19. “Palm Springs”

20. “13 Going On 30”

Marken Greenwood is a Contributing Editor at The Good Trade. When she isn’t coordinating post-production on television shows, she writes and produces original films. She is also a passionate home chef, party host, and secondhand shopper. You can watch her pilot on YouTube and say hi on Instagram!