A few years ago, my life went through a huge uplevel. I broke through my glass ceiling, doubled my income as a consultant, and was able to move from my tiny apartment, into a beautiful two-bedroom house in my favorite part of town. I remember laying on the floor when I first moved in, overcome with gratitude and awe. It was like I had stepped into a new dimension. I didn’t know I could have all this!? And now, somehow, there I was…

I furnished it with love and care, investing in real art, feeling truly at “home.” And instead of turning the second bedroom into an office, I used it to host out of town friends for weeks at a time. This really deepened my friendships — and was fateful timing for my bestie, who had to leave her NYC apartment suddenly and ended up living with me for six months of fun.

“How could I let go of what was once the ultimate manifestation?”

After a few years, I started feeling like I was ready for something new. There wasn’t anything wrong with my house — in fact, it was objectively amazing. How could I let go of what was once the ultimate manifestation? But I felt like my chapter was complete there, I was ready to shift my frequency, and wake up somewhere new. 

As a renter, we have the advantage of being able to try new places and spaces out — and since my environment really affects my creativity, that’s a big upside for me. But despite knowing that, I pushed the feeling away for a year, telling myself I already had the best possible rental. When I brought the idea of moving to my friends, who all loved the house, they rebutted the idea too. I ignored my intuition, telling myself that I had the good-on-paper thing, even though it didn’t feel right to me anymore. Then this last summer, I started to feel overcome with a sense of misalignment, and turned over every stone in my life, looking for a reason I felt off.

I went on a walk one day, looking for inspiration and clarity. Scrolling through my downloaded audiobooks, I found one I hadn’t listened to before called “Directional Living.” I popped in my headphones, and locked in for a three-mile walk. The author, Megan Hellerer, opened with a story about when she had a top job at Google — but instead of feeling like she made it — she found herself burnt out, crying on the bathroom floor. She had what many deem success, but she didn’t feel successful at all. It got me thinking about my life, and if there were any places I was stuck, stagnant or settling in the name of keeping up with the Joneses. My house instantly came to mind.

Then she went on to explain her concept of “directional living,” which felt like a huge relief. Instead of needing to know where you’re going, you just need to lean into the “warm” places in your life, the ones that feel directionally right. And when I felt into that, I realized, I didn’t need to know where I would land next — but letting go of my place, and spending more time with my family and boyfriend felt directionally right. What a blessing to be able to be with your people while you figure out the next steps. I didn’t need to know any more than that right now.

“Instead of needing to know where you’re going, you just need to lean into the “warm” places in your life, the ones that feel directionally right.”

After listening to the whole book, I felt energized and like I was on the right track. Weeks later, I gave my 30-day notice to move out, and instantly felt relief. I had a real epiphany the next morning in the bathtub. I thought that I had been looking for clarity on my next steps in life, but what I was really searching for was peace — and now that my intuition and my actions were back in alignment, I felt it. Nothing feels better than true peace of mind.

I connected with Megan to explore coaching, and also to interview her about directional living so that you can implement it if you’re going through a transition too. It feels like so many of us are in between worlds right now — shedding an old version of self, but not sure who the new one is yet…like a crab in between shells. And instead of looking for the final answer, directional living is a much softer way to move forward.

“Nothing feels better than true peace of mind.”

It’s such a freeing concept because it doesn’t require that you have a five-year plan or specific goals. In fact, that’s the opposite of what Megan teaches. The reality is, nobody knows what the future holds, and being controlling or following someone else’s roadmap isn’t going to keep you safe or happy. But directional living accounts for the next step — and the next — and those compounding movements in the right direction pave the path in front of you. And I’m pretty excited about that!

So here’s a deep dive from Megan on what it means to live directionally. 

For someone who hasn’t read the book yet, in your words, what is directional living?

Most of us were taught to live destinationally — that is, pick your destination or goal, reverse engineer a linear path, and then hustle your way there. We think that if we can just get there, we’ll be happy. The problem with that is that many of us discover, upon arrival at said destination, that we don’t truly want to be there — that achievement doesn’t actually lead to fulfillment.

Directional living is a new approach to career and life that does actually lead to fulfillment, in which you navigate your life according to your own inner sense of direction, without needing to know the destination. Instead of asking “Where do I need to end up?” the question becomes “What is the single next directionally right step?”

The best description of directional living I’ve ever heard is a quote from E.L. Doctorow talking about writing. He said, “It’s like driving a car at night. You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.”

Why might someone feel unfulfilled pursuing their goals — even though that’s what they think they want to accomplish?

This is a hallmark of destinational living and being an Underfulfilled Overachiever!

There are two main reasons that you feel unfulfilled even though you’re accomplishing the goals you set for yourself.

The first is that you were sold a lie: The Achievement Lie, which is the belief that you can achieve your way to happiness. If you could just accumulate enough of the right achievements, you would be happy, secure, and fulfilled. And it’s a vicious cycle. Because if you are achieving things and not feeling fulfilled, you think the problem is that you must just not have achieved enough yet. So, you spend your time trying to achieve more things that won’t fulfill you either, and the sense of unfulfillment only deepens.

“You were sold a lie: The Achievement Lie, which is the belief that you can achieve your way to happiness.”

The second is that these goals were probably never really yours to begin with. Most of us were taught to navigate our lives by outsourcing and crowdsourcing our decision-making instead of in-sourcing it. We choose our goals according to external approval instead of internal alignment — what’s conventional or common instead of what we’re uniquely well-suited to do.

To be clear, achievement isn’t the problem — big fan of achievement here! — but achievement isn’t one-size-fits-all. What we’re looking for is aligned achievement, not blind achievement — achievements that are particular to you and no one else. That is where we actually find fulfillment in achievement, impact, and contribution, and how you build a life that you actually love living.

What would you say to someone afraid that letting go of goal setting means they’ll go nowhere in life?

People often conflate goals (outcomes) and action (process). Letting go of linear goal-setting and destinational outcome-orientation is not the same as not taking action. We can take actions and make incredible progress in the right direction without needing to know the destination. I have a very strong bias toward action. Take all the actions; just let go of the results while you do it.

There’s also a misconception that we need goals, AKA destinations, in order to be motivated to act, as if that’s the thing that fuels us. That’s typically only true when the process is so painful that the only thing that can motivate you is the illusion that you’ll be happy when you reach the end goal, which rarely proves to be the case.

“There’s also a misconception that we need goals, AKA destinations, in order to be motivated to act, as if that’s the thing that fuels us.”

In fact, goal-setting is often the thing that keeps people stuck rather than propelling them forward. When people think they need to determine the end goal before they can begin, they take less action, not more. They stay stuck trying to determine the destination instead of taking the actions that would help them uncover it. I’ve found that letting go of needing to have a clear destination in mind is what will catapult you forward.

Here’s another tricky thing: Goal-setting doesn’t actually work, especially in times of uncertainty, like now! It works when you can make reasonable assumptions about the possible destinations and the paths to get there. When the landscape is changing this quickly, it’s impossible to know what careers will exist or what opportunities for impact there will be one year from now, let alone five or ten.

But, goals aren’t all bad. They can be great for giving structure to our direction, as long as we hold them loosely and flexibly. They should act more like hypotheses in an experiment than marching orders.

What’s the number one sign you’re an Underfulfilled Overachiever?

An Underfulfilled Overachiever is someone who has a great-on-paper life that doesn’t feel so great inside. It’s someone who did all the “right” things and achieved some version of success, but still finds themselves wondering, “Is this all there is?”

“It’s someone who did all the ‘right’ things and achieved some version of success, but still finds themselves wondering, ‘Is this all there is?'”

The number one sign that you’re an Underfulfilled Overachiever is the Fulfillment Ache: an existential chafing of dissatisfaction that results when the gap between who you actually are and your lived reality grows too big.

On the outside, the top behavioral signs of an Underfulfilled Overachiever are compulsive achieving and the “productivity hoarding” that goes with it — trying to accumulate as many impressive achievements and be as productive as possible in an attempt to find security, success and happiness.

What would you say to someone who is doing all the “right” things but they are still unhappy?

I’d say, “Welcome to the Underfulfilled Overachiever Club!” You’re not alone, and it’s not your fault.

“You’re not alone, and it’s not your fault.”

Then, I’d ask, “‘Right’ according to whom?” Because a big part of the dissatisfaction that comes with living Destinationally is that we are navigating according to external expectations instead of internal alignment. In other words, we’re navigating toward someone else’s version of success, not our own… and then we’re surprised when we aren’t fulfilled by their blueprint!

But fulfillment is not one-size-fits-all. It’s particular to you and no one else. It comes not from “right” achievements but from aligned achievements, the ones that are right for you. There’s no single universally “right” decision, life path, or version of success. There’s only the one that’s right for you, right now.

This belief in objectively “right” choices is one of the four traps that lead to unfulfillment, which I call the Four Omens:

  1. Obligation (“shoulds”): making decisions based on what you think you “should” do according to others
  2. Objectivity: making decisions based on what you believe is the universal, objectively right choice or path
  3. Optics: making decisions based on how they’ll be perceived or look to others
  4. Outcomes: making decisions based on where you think they’ll get you

So the first shift you want to make is to start navigating according to your own inner sense of direction and avoid the trap of the Four Omens. The simplest way to do this is to play a game of “warmer-colder” in your life, where “warmer” and “colder” are things you feel in your body, not things you think you “should” do. You can start small with low-stakes decisions for practice, like what you want to wear or eat, or what exercise you want to do.

For the person who knows they need to pivot, but has no idea what to do next, what would their first step be?

Great news! You don’t need to know where you’re going in order to begin. So let go of the idea that your goal is to figure out your purpose, or your passion, or your next career.

The first thing to remember is to focus on your direction, not your destination. In fact, trying to figure out the destination before taking any action is exactly what keeps so many people stuck. Clarity doesn’t come from thinking harder or making more pros-and-cons lists; clarity comes through action.

“Clarity doesn’t come from thinking harder or making more pros-and-cons lists; clarity comes through action.”

So instead of mapping out a fixed plan with a predetermined destination at the end, we want to “launch and iterate”: take small, experimental actions, evaluate, and adjust. It’s like playing a game of “warmer-colder.” The goal is simply to do more of the things that feel “warmer” (inspired, interesting, joyful, life-giving) and less of the things that feel “colder” in your body (draining, empty, heavy).

Where you start depends on where you are. If you have any sense of what lights you up, or even something you’re mildly interested in, start there. Don’t overthink it. Take one small, low-stakes action toward it — any action — and notice whether it feels warmer or colder. Wash, rinse, repeat.

If you truly have no idea, there are two steps I’d suggest:

  1. Do a life inventory. Make a list of everything in your life right now, personally and professionally — your activities, the people you spend time with, the places you go, even everyday stuff like meetings, happy hours and commuting. (Your calendar is a good place to start.) Then rank each one from 1 (misery/coldest) to 10 (effervescent joy/warmest). Wherever you can, do less of or eliminate the “colder” things and find ways to do more of the “warmer” things.
  2. Introduce new inputs. New outputs require new inputs. If you keep doing the same things with the same people in the same places, consuming the same information, you’ll keep getting the same answers. So bring in new people, places, classes, books, activities, podcasts — anything that exposes you to something different.

Then start going where it’s warm.

So many of us have discounted our passions because we don’t think they are marketable. What would you say in that case?

My advice is always: Forget your passion, and follow your curiosity instead!

“Forget your passion, and follow your curiosity instead!”

There are three problems with looking at our passions through the lens of marketability. The first is that trying to identify your “passion” tends to keep a lot of people stuck. It’s a lot of pressure to find your one capital-P Passion that you’ll devote yourself to for the rest of your life, and pressure makes most of us freeze.

Plus, most people don’t have the skies part and their passion announced to them from on high. It usually shows up as a small tickle of curiosity, which is easy to miss when you’re looking for capital-P Passion.

The second is that you’re treating your passion as a destination: you jump ahead to some assumed destinational endpoint, decide it isn’t marketable, and dismiss it before you’ve even begun to move toward it. That’s the old destinational way of thinking. A passion for art must mean becoming a painter, and since that doesn’t seem practical, you dismiss it. But when you take art as a direction instead, there are myriad ways it could evolve. Maybe it leads to art therapy, or graphic design, or animated films. Or maybe a ceramics class reveals that you’re drawn to teaching the class, and you get your master’s in education, which you may not have discovered had you not followed that initial curiosity clue.

“Don’t miss your most aligned and fulfilling career because you’re stuck in a rigid and limited vision of the future.”

The third is that we are remarkably bad at predicting the future. With the world of work changing so quickly, it’s impossible to know what careers will even exist a few years from now. In truth, who knows what’s marketable anymore? Things that were marketable five years ago aren’t today, and things that aren’t marketable now may very well be in five years. Don’t miss your most aligned and fulfilling career because you’re stuck in a rigid and limited vision of the future.

So what do you do instead? Follow your curiosity. Curiosity and joy are our best proxies for purpose. Think of it like a scavenger hunt: your curiosities are clues to your purpose, and each one moves you in your right direction, even when you can’t see where it leads. Your curiosity clues are signals from your Inner Navigation System, and your Inner Navigation System doesn’t steer you wrong.

To be clear, money matters, and no one is asking you to be a “starving artist”! But you don’t need to know how a curiosity becomes a sustainable, income-generating career before you let yourself follow it.

Especially for perfectionists, we’ve been trained to think that if we take a break, we’ll lose our momentum. What’s some advice you have for someone who knows they need a pause but they are scared?

This is such a common fear for Underfulfilled Overachievers, and it makes total sense. When you’ve been taught that your worth comes from what you achieve, stopping can feel like losing your worth. Of course that’s terrifying and destabilizing!

But I always want to ask: momentum toward what? This fear comes from conflating momentum with progress. Momentum just means you’re moving; it doesn’t mean you’re moving in the right direction. And momentum in a direction that isn’t right for you isn’t momentum worth cultivating. It doesn’t matter how fast you climb if you’re climbing the wrong mountain.

“This fear comes from conflating momentum with progress.”

And there’s an opportunity cost to everything. If you suspect you might be climbing the wrong mountain, the cost of continuing only gets larger the longer you wait to pause and assess.

I think of these pauses as incubation periods, and they are crucial to aligned ambition. From the outside, it can look like nothing is happening, but a lot is happening below the surface that you just can’t see yet. Blind ambition — the old, generic kind of ambition that leads to unfulfillment and burnout — is what tells us we need more accomplishments, more quickly. Aligned ambition — truly fulfilling ambition that is particular to us and no one else — says we need to accomplish our own right things at our own right pace, and slowing down to speed up is often the most effective and efficient strategy there is.

“Aligned ambition — truly fulfilling ambition that is particular to us and no one else — says we need to accomplish our own right things at our own right pace.”

I remember being terrified that if I slowed down, I’d discover I was secretly lazy and would never be able to motivate myself to do anything ever again. Instead, the pause is what made room for my own aligned ambition. My ambition didn’t go away; it just finally became mine.

A pause also doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing. If a full stop isn’t possible right now, or feels too scary to contemplate, start smaller. Say no to anything that isn’t essential for a set period of time, like a month or a season. Take a staycation, or a sabbatical if that’s available to you.

Nothing is permanent. You can always pick the pace back up, and you’ll do it with much more clarity about where you’re headed.

After hearing more from Megan, I am even more certain that I’m moving in the right direction — even though I don’t have a “destination” in mind. And whenever I find myself overthinking about the future, tempted to spin out and make a plan to assuage my fear — I remind myself that all that matters is that I lean into what feels warm for me today.

“All that matters is that I lean into what feels warm for me today.”

So as we gear up for the end of the year, and you’re taking inventory of what you accomplished this year, and what needs shifting back into alignment, use directional living to chart your next step. Learning to trust the unfolding of life, when you honor yourself, is the only goal we need to worry about.

Grace Abbott is a LA-based freelance Brand & Marketing Strategist and a Contributing Editor at The Good Trade. She has a degree in Graphic Design from Parsons School of Design and is the founder of How To Go Freelance — a brand dedicated to empowering creatives to monetize their skills and build personal brands. Beyond work, she’s always studying a new spiritual modality, painting her bedroom a new color, practicing Pilates, hosting friends, or going on a nature walk with her chihuahua, Donnie. Find her on Substack or Instagram.