4 Ways I Feel Sexy Without Buying Expensive Lingerie

What does it mean to feel sexy?

From a young age, I felt comfortable in my body. I genuinely enjoyed developing into a woman. The changes my body went through—growing breasts and body hair, developing awareness about my body and the world around me—were fascinating. This fascination allowed me to also feel comfortable in my sexuality. My love for boys became quite apparent at age 12, but that’s a story for a different day.

“As my body developed, I heard whispers from peers about what “the guys liked” or found to be “sexy.” I, too, wanted to make the boys notice me.”

As my body developed, I heard whispers from peers about what “the guys liked” or found to be “sexy.” I, too, wanted to make the boys notice me. I started shaving my whole body the minute darker, coarser hair began to grow. I begged my mom to let me wear a bra before I even had breasts. I discovered black eyeliner and became obsessed with wearing a lot of it. When trying on my clothing, I suddenly noticed my behind and sought to find jeans that complimented it. Though much of what I wanted to wear/do required the pre-approval of my parents, I was lucky to have parents who allowed me to express myself. Looking back, these gestures were fun and helped me identify what made me feel “sexy.”

However, now that I am a married adult woman, when I reflect on those years of exploring my sexuality, I see so much was within the realm of societal standards—specifically, the messages directed at young women claiming we need to act a certain way to be attractive. Received during crucial years of growth, there is no doubt these messages confuse our ability to be totally in control of our bodies and sexuality.

“…When I reflect on those years of exploring my sexuality, I see so much was within the realm of societal standards—specifically, the messages directed at young women claiming we need to act a certain way to be attractive.”

Emily Nagoski writes about this in her book, “Come As You Are.” She explains,

“The day you were born, the world had a choice about what to teach you about your body. It could have taught you to live with confidence and joy inside your body. It could have taught you that your body and your sexuality are beautiful gifts.

But instead, the world taught you to feel critical of and dissatisfied with your sexuality and your body. You were taught to value and expect something from your sexuality that does not match what your sexuality actually is. You were told a story about what would happen in your sexual life, and that story was false.”

This story goes for the boys we were trying to impress as well—they had no idea what they wanted, either. They were just like us, trying to do the things society told them was what we wanted. All the while, we just wanted to hold hands and experience our first kiss.

“There is so much more to feeling sexy than wearing tiny lace garments.”

Today, I refuse to let those old societal standards define how I show up as a sexual being. While I remain a huge fan of lingerie and sweet silk nighties (because they make me genuinely feel good), there is so much more to feeling sexy than wearing tiny lace garments.

Below are some of the ways I listen to my intuition and the feminine voice that resides deep within. These practices make me feel completely and utterly sexy—without the silk and lace.

I Feel Sexy Through Movement

I credit my 18 years on a competitive dance team to feeling sexy when I move. Movement is not just reserved for dance; I feel completely in my body when practicing yoga, running, and even simply walking. I absolutely love dancing in my kitchen while I cook. The nights I find myself able to find release through movement are the nights I feel most powerful and connected to my internal light.

Finding time to give yourself free, uninterrupted movement boosts serotonin, which in turn boosts mood and sexual desire. If I am experiencing low libido, I make it a point to do yoga or dance in my kitchen. My partner and I also love to dance together and will go on dancing dates. Moving to music together connects us in an out-of-the-bedroom kind of way.

I Feel Sexy When Expressing My Personal Style

“Our unique style is a form of expression, and we should wear whatever it is that makes us feel good in our bodies.”

As I mentioned, I found that I could express my sexuality through clothing (I thought skinny jeans were the key to impressing the boys). As my style has evolved, I love to dress up and wear clothes that flatter my body-type and make me feel good about myself. I no longer feel the pressure to dress in a way that may be sexually appealing; rather, I’ve developed my own sense of style that is for me alone.

Our unique style is a form of expression, and we should wear whatever it is that makes us feel good in our bodies. For example, I love my waistline, so I wear high-waisted pants to highlight it. My best friend loves her cleavage and wears plunging necklines because she is proud of her feminine figure.

I Feel Sexy When Traveling and Going on Adventures

One of my favorite things is going on adventures, even if just for quick weekend getaways with my husband or friends. There is a sensuality for me when exploring and trying new things.

My adventures are typically focused on being in nature, which helps me feel present and connected to the world around me. This connection ignites a flame in me, reminding me of my raw existence in this world. When I haven’t gone on an adventure in a while, I start to feel stagnant, which affects me sexually.

Travel can happen at home—you don’t have to physically leave to experience the joy of adventure. I love a staycation to get outside of my routine. Find ways to explore the world around you by traveling, hiking, or exploring new parts of the city you live in as a way to spark curiosity.

I Feel Sexy When Achieving My Goals

Ambition is sexy! Not only do I feel confident and proud of myself when I achieve my goals, but I find it attractive to see the ones I love doing the things that bring them joy and success. My partner and I enjoy setting goals together, and we encourage each other in our pursuits. When I am proud of myself, I feel relaxed and aligned—to myself, to my body, and to my pursuits.

“When I am proud of myself, I feel relaxed and aligned—to myself, to my body, and to my pursuits.”

You can also practice finding ways to feel proud of yourself by setting goals that honor where you’re at in your life. Remove pressure to get things done, and instead embrace what brings you true joy and wholeness.

There is a world that becomes awakened when we allow ourselves to listen to our intuition and the voice deep within. This voice guides us to peace with ourselves, outside of what society asks us to be. Finding simple joys that connect us to ourselves creates alignment within our bodies. It opens up to new ways of viewing our sexuality—ways that aren’t limited to wearing lingerie.

What makes you feel sexy and confident? Share in the comments below!