Last November, I was laid off from my part-time job due to budget cuts, and in the difficult weeks that followed, I was incredibly lucky to have the staunch support of my friends and loved ones. 

But in the immediate aftermath of losing my job, some people didn’t react quite in the way I might have expected when they heard about what had happened. Many people whom I thought might offer words of comfort simply ignored the subject instead, either talking to me about other things or not reaching out at all.

“In the immediate aftermath of losing my job, some people didn’t react quite in the way I might have expected.”

Although people’s silence hurt me at first, it’s something I can very much empathize with in hindsight, because I now know I’d also feel unsure about how to support someone in the same boat. Since November, I’ve had a personal crash course in both how to support myself and how to support a loved one who has been laid off, or fired, or has otherwise lost a job. Hopefully some of these lessons learned can help you too, now or in the future.

How can you support a loved one who’s lost a job?

First, what to do:

First, consider what you know about your loved one. I’m someone who derives a lot of comfort from venting to other people and having them say kind words back, as well as from lots of hugs. If your friend or family member is like me, your presence, reassurance, and affection would probably be the most helpful thing you could offer them at the outset. On the flipside, if your loved one typically needs time to process alone, or doesn’t love speaking about their problems generally, it might be more helpful to indicate that you’re there for them if and when they need, but without pressuring them.

“Your presence, reassurance, and affection would probably be the most helpful thing you could offer them at the outset.”

“The best thing you can do (and honestly, the only thing you can really do) is to be there for your loved one,” says Aaron Gilbert, LICSW, a therapist and founder of Boston Evening Therapy Associates. “It’s exceedingly simple, but it’s also exceedingly challenging at times. It’s natural to want to fix, solve, and move them past their hardship.” Instead, try to take a breath and just listen without offering any advice, at least at first.

Losing a job can really knock your self-esteem. Regardless of the circumstances of their job loss, your loved one is likely feeling like they have made wrong decisions somewhere along their career path, and like what they bring to the table isn’t valued. That’s certainly how I felt, anyway. “Emotionally, it’s about reminding them they are still the same brilliant, capable person they were before they lost their job,” says Janel Abrahami, a career coach and founder of Going Places. “Unemployment is an external circumstance, not an internal flaw.”

“Losing a job can really knock your self-esteem.”

When the initial sting of losing their job ebbs, that’s when your practical support can really make a difference. For Abrahami, this could look like:

  • Offering to review their resume or LinkedIn profile (if they’re ready for that step).
  • Making introductions to people in your network who could help.
  • Sending job postings only if they ask — otherwise, it can feel overwhelming.
  • Treating them to coffee or inviting them out to do something that reminds them they’re more than their career.

Next, what to say:

It wasn’t their intention, but I felt so hurt when the people around me just avoided the subject of my job loss altogether. I wanted to talk about it! Sure, maybe not for hours on end, but that was what was going on in my life; it felt like people weren’t interested in what was going on with me if they avoided talking about my layoff.

When they don’t bring up a loved one’s job loss, “people think they are saving face and even helping by not dwelling on it,” says Gilbert. “But again, being present with someone in hardship is the most helpful thing you can offer someone else. A key to being present with someone going through a job loss is to let them decide whether or not they want to discuss it, and assuring them you are there for them either way.”

“When they don’t bring up a loved one’s job loss, ‘people think they are saving face and even helping by not dwelling on it.'”

– Aaron Gilbert, LICSW

Here are some great examples of what you can say, according to Gilbert and Abrahami:

  • “I am so sorry you are going through this. I am here if you want to talk about it. I’m also here if you want to talk about anything else other than this.”
  • “What you’re going through is so hard. If you feel like venting about it, I am all ears.”
  • “I am here for you, whatever you need.” Gilbert adds, “It helps to provide practical options you are willing to commit to, such as: ‘Can I bring you dinner tomorrow?’ ‘Want to go on a hike this weekend?’ ‘Let me take the kids while you have some time to yourself.’”
  • “You are so much more than your job, and this doesn’t define you.”

Abrahami also advises against saying any of these:

  • “Everything happens for a reason.”
  • “You’ll find something in no time.”
  • “Have you tried applying to X?”

And I’d add my personal pet peeve:

  • “Have you heard back from Y job yet?”

How can you support yourself after a job loss?

Losing my job was a profoundly lonely experience. Yes, my friends, partner, and family were there for me, but they couldn’t hold my hand all day long as I stared dejectedly at my LinkedIn feed (however much I might have enjoyed this). As with every difficult experience in life, the only person who was there for me at every moment was me — so I needed to make sure I was taking care of me. I won’t lie, most of the time that looked like closing LinkedIn and opening Netflix, or blowing off my laptop and going holiday shopping. Not really what I (or the experts) would recommend, but little by little, it did work.

“As with every difficult experience in life, the only person who was there for me at every moment was me — so I needed to make sure I was taking care of me.”

“Practicing self-care in this moment isn’t just about indulgence; it’s about stability, self-compassion, and resilience,” says Abrahami. “It allows you to process the emotions that come with job loss, regain confidence, and move forward with clarity. Without it, it’s easy to spiral into burnout-level job searching, making decisions from a place of panic rather than power.” Or, as Gilbert puts it, “Self-care can make the difference between moving through and beyond a job loss, or being crushed by it.”

We all know that a bad night’s sleep can have us feeling snacky and emotional the next day, but healthy habits become all the more important when we’re dealing with something difficult like job loss — you need that foundation of wellbeing to be able to move through the emotions you’re going to feel, and to look for work when you feel ready. Gilbert stresses the importance of sleep, diet, and exercise, as well as getting to know what your nervous system needs at any one time. “It might be a nightly bubble bath, a long walk in the woods, journaling, all the above, or something entirely different,” says Gilbert. “I like to advise my patients to discover self-care practices by simply asking themselves, ‘What do I need, right here, right now?’” Once you know what you need, do it.

“Once you know what you need, do it.”

Abrahami also swears by nervous system regulation as the first step towards feeling better after job loss — and she includes setting boundaries around how much time you’re spending on LinkedIn under that umbrella. Next, she encourages productive reflection: “Rather than jumping straight into ‘fix-it’ mode, take time to process what you’ve learned from your last job and what you want moving forward,” Abrahami says. “Journaling, career coaching, or even talking with trusted friends can help.” The last step in Abrahami’s prescription is self-validation: “Your worth is not tied to your job title,” she reminds us. “Speak to yourself the way you would a friend in the same situation. Affirm your skills, your value, and the fact that this is a season—not a definition of who you are.”

Iris Goldsztajn (she/her) is a freelance writer and editor based in London, UK. Her work has been featured in British Vogue, Marie Claire, Refinery29, SELF, Bustle and many more. Iris can typically be found on her way to a fitness class or with her nose in a good book.