It’s so important to lean on one another for help — but sometimes, it can feel empowering to do things on our own, too! While there’s strength and unlimited potential in community, there are moments when relying on one’s own smarts is necessary. (Say, when you get a flat tire and help is many miles away.) We embrace the fact of our reliance on others, but sometimes it’s nice to rely on yourself. It’s all about finding balance. ⚖️

So, if you’ve been feeling a bit too dependent on a source outside of yourself lately — whether it’s a person, a corporation, or the frozen foods aisle, I invite you to try a couple of the tips below and see how you feel. From nourishing yourself to thinking for yourself, here are some ways to move forward that will help you cultivate independence and confidence.

Nourishment

One way to feel more capable on your own? Crafting your favorite foods from scratch. (Or even growing them!)

  1. For example, this is a handy guide to creating a countertop garden.
  1. You can learn to make your own alternative milks. Here’s how to do it without too much fancy equipment. 
  1. Or, make your own nut butters. 
  1. Try DIY spice blends to avoid overspending and unsavory added ingredients. 
  1. Save vegetable scraps to make broth that’s way better than store bought. 
  1. Try baking a loaf of bread for your week. If sourdough feels too intimidating, this artisan loaf recipe comes highly recommended. 
  1. Regrow your kitchen scraps! Try green onions, celery, or lettuce. 
  1. Buy a book on foraging edible plants in your area. (Free food? Check. Fresh air and exercise? Also check.) 
  1. Experiment with grinding your own flours, especially if you often buy the pricier types like oat or almond. 
  1. Read Tamar Adler’s beloved book, An Everlasting Meal, to feel more grounded and self-assured in the kitchen. 

New skills 

Confidence is having the tools to handle whatever comes your way. Learning a new skill or two can help you feel empowered and equipped to tackle new challenges. 

  1. Sewing is a bit of a lost art for many of us, but it’s never too late to learn. If you’ve never picked up a needle and thread, might now be the time? Start with something simple, like basic mending. 
  1. When you’re having a rough day, a wobbly table leg can feel like the last straw. If you learn simple furniture repair now, you might save your sanity later!
  1. Teach yourself how to use common hand tools. 
  1. Learn the basics of financial management so you never have to put someone else in control of your money. 
  1. Learn how to get around without GPS, just in case something happens to your phone. There are some fantastic tips in this Reddit thread for learning your city. 
  1. Brush up on First Aid techniques. Someone’s life (including yours!) may depend on it. 
  1. Even if you don’t need it for your profession, it’s a great idea to learn some graphic design basics. It’ll save you money (and give you creative control) on everything from event invitations and flyers to personalized gifts. 
  1. Learning basic photography and editing skills will also serve you. 
  1.  For a boost of empowerment in social situations, brush up on your networking, negotiation, or body language communication. 
  1.  Learn how to speak another language and enjoy the world of opportunities it provides. (Love this advice from two polyglots!) 
  1.  Educate yourself on basic car maintenance to feel more self-assured on the road. 

Self-care and maintenance

If you want to feel self-sufficient — and save money — consider taking more of your wellness routine into your own (capable!) hands. 

  1. Save hundreds of dollars each year by learning to cut your own hair. (Start with a simple trim!)
  1. Perfect a classic manicure at home. 
  1. Learn how to build your own bespoke workout routine without a trainer or pricey app. 
  1.  Master a spa-quality facial on your own with the specific products you love.
  1.  Use sleep training techniques to help yourself drift off without relying on apps, noise machines, or supplements.  
  1. Start integrating a daily 5-minute mobility routine now, so you won’t have to rely on a physical therapist later!
  1. Learn how to brush your teeth correctly to reduce extra visits to the dentist. 
  1.  Develop a flawless self-tanning routine using clean tanning drops so you can get a glow whenever you want one. 
  1. Learn how to boost your “happy hormones” instead of relying on someone else to lift your spirits. 
  1. Develop some excellent self-massage techniques so you don’t need to shell out for a massage therapist each time you’ve got a knot in your shoulder. 
  1.  If you enjoy wearing makeup, learn how to do it for photos and formal occasions. No more relying on a makeup artist. 
  1. Know how to care for yourself in a power outage. 
  1.  Be ready to protect yourself during a natural disaster. 
  1. Brush up on tips for keeping your home sparkling clean, no expensive housekeeping service necessary. 

Emotional awareness

The more you know about yourself, the less other people can tell you who you are. Doesn’t that feel liberating?

  1. Figure out what your values are. It’ll help you make more decisions independently. 
  1. Know how to entertain yourself when your loved ones have other plans. 
  1. Develop a self-soothing toolkit for tough times. 
  1. Create a mindfulness routine that works for you. (Not just one that looks good on social media!) 
  1. Learn how to identify your triggers and manage them. 
  1. If you’re neurodivergent, educate yourself on how to best manage your emotions. (It may look different than what neurotypical folks do.)
  1. Figure out how to tame your stress without relying on numbing agents. 
  1. Explore what turns you on, because you can feel vibrant and sensual regardless of your relationship status.  
  1. Learn color psychology and add it to your self-regulation toolkit. 
  1. Make a list of emotional numbing agents you rely on too often, like reality TV or a bottle of wine. Brainstorm alternative ways to self-soothe. 
  1. Learn how to ask for help. 
  1. Take thirty minutes to journal about the beliefs you have about yourself. Are they true? Do they feel good?
  1. Improve your conflict resolution skills. 
  1. Learn how to healthily process grief and loss without unhelpful coping mechanisms. 
  1. Create a system for staying informed on current events, without overwhelming yourself. (Bite-sized newsletters like this one can help!) 

Career 

It’s wise to rely on teamwork and trustworthy peers to help you find success in your career. But that doesn’t mean you can’t do some of the footwork on your own. 

  1. Take online courses or workshops to sharpen your marketable skills. Platforms like Udemy often run excellent sales on their learning experiences. 
  1. Is there a task at work you usually ask for help with? If someone’s already walked you through it, would it feel rewarding to try it on your own next time? 
  1. Diversify your income streams so you’re not stranded if you lose your main gig. 
  1. Take control of your personal brand and use it to your advantage. 
  1. Learn how to advocate for yourself. This may look like exploring boundaries, negotiating a raise or asking for what you want. 
  1.  Even if you aren’t one, you can still learn a lot from studying entrepreneurs. 
  1. Cultivate your adaptability so you can navigate the fluctuations and challenges inherent to any career. 
  1. Free-write about what your dream job would look like. Can any parts of your vision be incorporated into your current role? 
  1. Uplevel your time management skills. 
  1.  Learn your strengths and how to leverage them at work. 
  1. Or, identify your weaknesses and make a (gentle, compassionate) plan to improve them. 

Life admin 

Few of us really want to do taxes or read a credit card agreement, but menial tasks are a little less irksome when you can confidently knock them out on your own. 

  1. Learn how to read a contract. While it’s (of course) a good idea to have a legal expert look over anything important, it can feel empowering to have some literacy with official paperwork. 
  1. Develop a system for organizing your important documents. That way you won’t have to shell out for a copy of your birth certificate next time you need it. 
  1. Make sure you have a basic understanding of how taxes work. We’re not saying you should ditch your favorite tax preparation software, but maybe you can avoid paying more for expert assistance. 
  1.  Learn your basic legal rights so you can advocate for yourself when you need to. 
  1. Educate yourself on managing your credit. Do you know how to freeze an account, monitor your score, keep your balance low or redeem credit card points? If not, now’s a great time to learn. 
  1. Take control of your digital privacy. 
  1.  Plan for your retirement so you can feel financially free when your career is complete. 
  1. Master the basics of buying and selling online. Whether you’re selling gently used clothes, furniture, or something else, these skills will come in handy. 
  1. Just like with taxes, it’s good to learn the basics of how insurance works so that next time you need to choose a plan, you can do it confidently. 
  1. Learn how to write a will, so your legacy can continue the way you want it to. 

Ethics and sustainability

We often think of self-sufficiency as relying less on other people. But it can also mean relying less on businesses and industries we’d prefer not to support. 

  1.  Purchase locally harvested produce whenever you can. A CSA box is a great way to do that. 
  1.  Learn to repair your electronics so they don’t become part of the 400 million e-waste items dumped each year. 
  1.  Support small businesses. (Here’s a huge list of our favorites!)
  1. Opt for products with plastic-free packaging. Think bar soaps, tote bags, and reusable glass water bottles for an easy place to start. 
  1. Need to purchase something new? Browse Reddit’s Buy It For Life thread to find a quality item you’ll keep for years. 
  1. If you choose not to support a business due to their ethical decisions, let them know! Write a letter, call their corporate office, or post on social media. 
  1. Opt for thrifted and secondhand items whenever you can. 
  1. Ask companies about their sourcing, manufacturing and environmental policies. 
  1. Use a bicycle or walk (when possible) to reduce your reliance on fossil fuels. 
  1. Research corporate parent companies to ensure you’re not relying on a larger organization you don’t want to support. 
  1. Learn about alternative business models, like social enterprises. 

Travel

Solo travel can be a profound experience, but you can be self-reliant even when you’re adventuring with a loved one. In fact, it may lead to a more fulfilling experience for both of you. 

  1. Familiarize yourself with local maps and transportation ahead of time so you’re not reliant on someone else to navigate for you.  
  1. Even if you and your travel partner share finances, maintain your own supply of cash, identification and important documents. 
  1.  Carry your own emergency essentials, like a first aid kit, drinking water, and critical medications. 
  1. Make a list of the experiences you want to have on your trip and prioritize those, even if it means splitting up from the rest of your party. You can always meet for dinner!
  1. Cultivate digital independence by ensuring you know how to read a paper map and speak critical words in the local language without a translation app. 
  1. Record your own experiences and reflections of your trip in photos and/or writing. 
  1. Be mindful of your personal needs. If the person(s) you’re traveling with are up for a rowdy night out, but you’re yearning for some quiet, it’s okay to visit a museum instead. 
  1. Learn self-defense so you can feel safer on solo excursions. 

Independent thinking 

The foundation of self-sufficiency is, of course, thinking for yourself. That can be tough to do with today’s endless sources of information and opinions. Here are a few things that can help.

  1. Cultivate curiosity. Ask questions! Challenge yourself to understand every side of an issue. The result will be a perspective that’s wholly your own. 
  1. Limit influence from external sources. Just by virtue of being alive, you’ve cultivated more wisdom than you realize. Once in a while, shut out all the outside influences and discover what you already know. 
  1.  Learn how to tap into your intuition. 
  1. Develop a mental pause button to use before you react to new information. 
  1. Find little ways to step outside of your comfort zone. See what you discover! 
  1. Pick up a book from the library on a subject or genre you wouldn’t typically read. 
  1. Get comfortable with cognitive dissonance. Holding two (conflicting) ideas at once — even temporarily — is a great way to stretch your mind. 
  1. Is there something you can’t figure out? A problem you can’t solve? Write it down and visit it later. Maybe in the middle of the night when you can’t sleep, or after a particularly good workout. Has your thinking changed? 
  2. Our best tip for self-sufficiency; use it in moderation! While it’s important to feel capable, we’re built for healthy interdependence. Strike out on your own when you’re ready, but lean on your loved ones too. ♥️

Nicole Ahlering is a wellness writer living in Southern California. When she’s not writing, she’s combing the beach for shells, at the Pilates studio, sipping matcha, or doing crafts with friends. She believes the secret to happiness is slowing down.