If you spend time on social media, you may have seen videos of women wearing Renaissance dresses to the grocery store, blowing bubbles, or dancing on an empty subway car. They’re captioned with a cheeky line like: “God forbid a girl be whimsical.” It’s a nod to the fact that women have not so much lost their sense of whimsy by the time they reach adulthood as they have been encouraged to squelch it. But despite societal pressures to be “mature” and “ladylike,” the women I know almost can’t help but be a little delightfully absurd. Some of my most buttoned-up colleagues have homes filled with curiosities (like hundreds of dried roses suspended from the ceiling), a penchant for 500-page fantasy books, or a theatrical ability to seize on and amplify the oddities they encounter in life. 

“Women have not so much lost their sense of whimsy by the time they reach adulthood as they have been encouraged to squelch it.”

Maybe our tendency toward whimsy is biological — an inherent talent for entertaining and bonding with our offspring, for example. Or perhaps it’s tied to our emotional sensitivity. It could also be cultural. Women tend to be “allowed” to experiment more than our male counterparts. And for many generations, we remained at home even when we didn’t want to, which likely bred strong imaginations. Whatever the reason, I think many of us would agree that whimsy is a fundamental part of a fulfilling life. So why is it sorely lacking in most of ours? 

Well, for one thing, we’ve been conditioned to be excellent consumers, and whimsy is hard to sell. It is inherently imaginative, shape-shifting, and often intangible — a product of our imagination rather than an aesthetic to emulate. Sure, you can buy wooden bowls, but you cannot buy the penchant for drinking from them while pretending you’re being nursed back to health by friendly spirits. 

Whimsy is also not productive. At least not in the capitalist sense of the word. Allowing your curiosity to play out in absurd behaviors does not keep the cogs turning or the coffers full, so of course it’s not encouraged. Needless to say, it is deeply fruitful in other, more abstract ways. 

Wait, what exactly is whimsy? 

Good question. Let’s define what it means to be whimsical before we talk about its benefits.

When I was contemplating this piece, the “whimsical” ideas that first came to mind were things like braiding colorful velvet ribbons into your hair, or creating a playlist to match the sunset. But really, those things are more aligned with romanticizing your life: A fun and valid concept, but not the same as whimsy! Whimsy might look more like braiding ribbons into your hair…while pretending your hands belong to an invisible third party. Or diving as deep into the ocean waves as you can, with the intention to out-sink the sunset.

“Whimsy might look more like braiding ribbons into your hair…while pretending your hands belong to an invisible third party.”

Both romance and whimsy have enormous capacity to center your pleasure and expand your joy, but the latter does it in a way that is, frankly, less Instagrammable. I would also argue that whimsy requires an element of absurdity, lightheartedness, and deference to your inner child. It is more concerned with kicks and giggles than beauty. 

Why should you incorporate whimsy into your life? 

“Whimsy is a somatic strategy, not just a mood,” says Melody Morton-Buckleair, Founder of The Pilates Cowgirl & Conscious Contact Retreats. “As a Pilates retreat leader and nervous system educator, I teach women to reconnect with their joy through laughter, movement, and even a ridiculous cowgirl hat in class.” This is more than just good fun, she explains. When we act a little ridiculous, we’re boosting oxytocin, decreasing cortisol, and creating positive new pathways in our brain. Morton-Buckleair even teaches a “laughing breath drill class” because laughter stimulates the vagus nerve, a vital part of our nervous system that influences things like digestion and heart rate. 

“When we act a little ridiculous, we’re boosting oxytocin, decreasing cortisol, and creating positive new pathways in our brain.”

Licensed Professional Counselor, Sanna Khoja, has her clients do intentionally silly things in the middle of their workdays. “ It might be a funny walk across the room, skipping down the sidewalk, or talking to themselves in the voice of a favorite fictional character.” Though Khoja concedes that this can feel awkward or embarrassing at first, she insists that it’s worth it. “Encourage yourself to find our humanness in these moments,” she says. Because it’s an enjoyable way to get back into our own bodies. 

That’s something most of us need, because there’s a “quiet grief to growing up,” says LMSW Therapist, Erica Schwartzberg. Adulthood often means that fun and silliness are waylaid by productivity. “But we need whimsy,” she says. “We need low-stakes joy, creative messes, and adult “playdates” that aren’t just drinks or dinner — things like rollerskating, collage nights, walking with no destination, or laughing so hard you forget to check your phone. These aren’t just cute distractions; they’re nervous system nourishment.” So clearly, whimsy can be a form of self-care. 

But what about when life feels too stressful to be silly? 

I know. It’s easy to be inventive and goofy on that one vacation you take every couple of years, or in the throes of a new romance. Friday night with good friends and a glass of wine? Bring on the weird and the wonderful. But what about 2:00 on a Tuesday when you’re stuck with that colleague who you’d prefer to never, ever interact with again? That’s a lot harder.

The thing is, though, that’s actually a really good time to invoke the Gods of Whimsicality. Unlike its close cousin, play, whimsy does not necessarily make the same demands for optimism. In fact, its core feature — absurdity — is an underrated way to alchemize tension and frustration. It disrupts your emotional script, refuses seriousness, and creates a channel for that intense energy without forcing it into compliance or submission.

“Unlike its close cousin, play, whimsy does not necessarily make the same demands for optimism.”

In other words, whimsy triggers our brains to not take our situation too seriously (without undermining our feelings) says Licensed Social Worker and Psychotherapist, Kara Lissy. Especially when we’re stressed, she explains, getting a little weird can be a safe way to “check out” for a bit. “My personal favorite is to sing my thoughts or frustrations out loud to the tune of one of my daughter’s favorite nursery rhymes. The two opposite stimuli paired side by side just make me laugh and release my resentment.”

So, how can you become more whimsical? 

This can feel like an awkward question to ask. But many of us have been led so far from the silly side of ourselves that we feel like we need a map back. That makes sense, and it’s okay! Giving you a structured, step-by-step guide here would be antithetical, though. So let’s talk about some flexible inroads to a more whimsical mood.

Read bizarre books. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that whatever you’re reading can shape your worldview. So consider diving into some strange reads. I’m currently reading “White Cat, Black Dog” by Kelly Link and it definitely fits the bill. 

Let your body lead the way.   Have you spent time around a toddler lately? They are masters at “letting their intrusive thoughts win,” (as the viral social media trend quips). They’ll shake, jump, roll on the ground and mash their food with their hands when they feel compelled. Follow suit (when you can)! 

Let yourself get bored. Pretend it’s 1995 again. No cell phones, tablets, or laptops, please. Spin in circles until you get dizzy. Press your palms against your closed eyes until you see a mosaic of colors. Make shapes with shadows on your bedroom wall. Let your imagination guide you. 

Have a sleepover and stay up way too late. I can almost guarantee you’ve never laughed as hard as you did at 2 a.m., lying in a sleeping bag next to your best friend, speaking whatever bizarre thoughts come into your mind in the darkness. Recreate that dizzy feeling by hosting a sleepover and leaving distractions like cellphones in the other room. 

Do something vaguely inappropriate. As long as it doesn’t cause problems for anyone else, it’s fair game. Order your coffee in a bad accent. Take a shower with your clothes on. Walk backwards through the grocery store. Send your friends blurry photos with zero context or acknowledgement. You get the idea. ✨

“Maybe whimsy should be considered as vital as working hard, taking care of ourselves, and being good to our loved ones.”

I once listened to a podcast by Julia Louis Dreyfus in which she said the best advice she’d received was from her high school physics teacher: “Have fun at all costs.” It stuck in my head because really, when do we ever give fun or whimsy — whatever you want to call it — that much precedence?

We’re here for a short time, and things can feel so heavy. Maybe whimsy should be considered as vital as working hard, taking care of ourselves, and being good to our loved ones. An eighth virtue, even. That doesn’t seem so crazy to me. 

Summer is upon us now in the Northern hemisphere, with long, bright days ripe for doing things that bring us joy. I’ll be doing my best to cease on that by getting a little whimsical. What about you?

Nicole Ahlering is an animal adoption counselor at her local humane society. She’s also a writer. (So basically, everything she wanted to be when she grew up!) When she’s not working, she’s hanging out with her kitties and her partner, drinking iced espresso, or reading something non-fiction.