
A Social Guide For The Sober For Dry January And Beyond
While you may have begun Dry January with a countdown clock for the day you could pour yourself an Ina Garten-sized martini again, you’ll likely find yourself less eager for a drink at the end of the month than you thought. As January comes to an end, many are embracing a sober lifestyle almost by accident. Without any specific triggers, this new lifestyle of not drinking is probably something you’re not even thinking about these days. So, what if you allowed it to stick around for a bit longer?
I myself am no stranger to unplanned lifestyle shifts. I stopped eating meat one week as a teenager and then just never went back. I tasked myself with buying fewer coffees out and ended up giving up caffeine completely. In these cases, I started a challenge because I thought I “should,” but I kept up the lifestyle shift because of how it made me feel. If you’re anything like me, you may have fallen into sobriety without really considering how to navigate your new life — especially socially.
“If you’re anything like me, you may have fallen into sobriety without really considering how to navigate your new life — especially socially.”
Considering more long-term sobriety might leave you worried that you’ll be confined to your home with your probiotic sodas. Or worse, if you do venture out, you might wonder how to broach the topic with friends. Navigating these questions when you’re sober or choosing to not drink for the night is worthy of consideration. I mean, who wants to field questions about why they’re nursing a mocktail all night?
Whether you’re quitting completely, feeling sober curious, or just committing to attending a few dinners or events without drinking (for your body, your budget, or both!), here’s your social guide to dry January and beyond.
What does the social obligation to drink look like today?
The decision to drink less often leads to a realization of just how many activities on your social calendar revolve around alcohol. From happy hours to paint and sips, drinking is a default option for facilitating connection — even in professional settings. However, it isn’t the only way to unwind or connect. In fact, many people find after dry January that drinking is actually inhibiting their connection to other people. But how do you get close to people when you’re not drinking and it seems like everyone around you is?
“Sometimes it’s easier to just have a drink rather than unpack all the questions you fear will come with not drinking.”
In all honesty, sometimes it’s easier to just have a drink rather than unpack all the questions you fear will come with not drinking. And as creatures of habit, grabbing a bottle of wine with a Trader Joe’s haul or accepting a cocktail at dinner is instinct at this point. Or sending out mass “Let’s grab a drink!!!” texts to friends when you come out of a work hole and realize you haven’t seen anyone in days. Even if you cut drinking out of your personal life or 1:1 get-togethers, it can feel like alcohol is still everywhere else.
Unlike drinking caffeine or reducing sugar or any other dietary shifts, something about limiting your alcohol use feels like a more sensitive topic. For me, even bringing it up can be nerve-wracking. Do other people feel like I’m judging their alcohol habits? Do they think I think I’m better than them? No one wants to be the sanctimonious sober person on a soapbox. But it can also open up thorny personal questions that aren’t exactly the conversations you want to have at a work happy hour.
“Unlike drinking caffeine or reducing sugar or any other dietary shifts, something about limiting your alcohol use feels like a more sensitive topic.”
Over the past few years, the sober curious lifestyle has become a beacon for those of us who want to de-center drinking, for whatever reason. Many of my friends and loved ones are seeking alternatives: booze-free beverages and third spaces that offer socialization without the obligation to drink. You can see the shift in the non-alcoholic beverage market, which jumped in popularity by 35% in 2023 and has been increasing ever since. (If you’re interested, check out our favorite nonalcoholic cocktails and wines!) I also suspect it’s a factor in the increasing popularity of run clubs — which are definitely not for me, but if you like it, I love that for you.
It’s clear that choosing not to drink is more than just a trend. For many of us, it’s a lifestyle choice that’s here to stay. However, despite the growing visibility of the sober curious lifestyle, there’s no roadmap for what to do when you feel like you’re the only one not drinking at a party. 🗺️
Tips for navigating social situations when you’re sober:
One of the biggest challenges in maintaining a sober-curious lifestyle is handling social situations where drinking is implicitly expected. While you don’t owe anyone an explanation for your personal choices, “just say no” isn’t as simple as it seems. It all comes down to the fact that we’re social beings. We want to feel like we belong in a group, which often means participating in group activities and behaviors. This is what allows us to adapt to new situations and facilitate new connections. But it’s also the compulsion that makes it difficult to be the odd one out, even in something that, on the surface, might seem low-stakes, like wearing an “out there” outfit — or saying no to a drink.
“One of the biggest challenges in maintaining a sober-curious lifestyle is handling social situations where drinking is implicitly expected.”
Even well-meaning friends can contribute to this pressure. When a friend offers to buy you a drink at the bar, is it ungrateful to say no? When you’re the only one not holding a glass at a party, what’s everyone else thinking? And why do I feel guilty when I turn down the drink menu at a restaurant?
When I’m not drinking, I can feel the person I’m with deflate. They feel like they can’t or shouldn’t partake — and there’s nothing more I hate than feeling like I’m bringing down the vibe. So here are some helpful ways that I’ve found to navigate social situations while sober.
1. Set the expectation (for yourself and others)
To mitigate any pre-event anxiety, I try to set the expectations of my friends or coworkers — even if I don’t fully divulge that I’m not drinking or why.
“To mitigate any pre-event anxiety, I try to set the expectations of my friends or coworkers — even if I don’t fully divulge that I’m not drinking or why.”
With friends, it’s easier. I can plan for coffee meet-ups or daytime hangouts that don’t involve alcohol. Or, if we are going to a wine bar or restaurant, I like to text them beforehand to let them know I won’t be drinking. “I’m not drinking tonight but this place has a great mocktail list,” or “I don’t think I’ll get a drink but I might order some bites” can let them know not to worry that you’ll enjoy the night just as much without alcohol. I’ve also been known to grab the dessert menu while a friend has some espresso martinis. Whatever works!
For work events, I tell my work bestie that I’ll be going and leaving early. This means you’ll get there while the energy is high, but you’ll miss the back half where co-workers start getting tipsy and expect you to join them. If anybody asks, tell them you have to head out early. Even better if you have plans after that you actually do have to head to.
2. Get clear on your “why”
While you don’t have to share your “why,” it’s important to have one. Is it because you like the way you feel when you drink less? Or you’re in a wellness era? Whatever the reason, make sure it’s clear to you. Even if on the surface it doesn’t feel that deep, if you’re worried about sticking to it, it might be time to go deeper. I recommend journaling on it so you can see your thoughts in writing. Once they’re separated from the competing narratives in your brain, something shifts. Just seeing your thoughts on the page makes a cognitive difference. It’s why studies show that writing down your goals makes people 42% more likely to achieve them.
“While you don’t have to share your ‘why,’ it’s important to have one.”
If you feel comfortable, share your goal and your “why” with people close to you. Getting positive affirmation from people whose opinions you value can make it easier to deal with the opinions of everyone else.
If you feel the pressure to explain yourself to people outside of your circle of trust, try having some responses ready to go. I like to share some of the factors I choose not to drink, even if they’re not the biggest reasons. My go-to responses are:
- “I have a full day tomorrow.”
- “I’m taking it easy tonight — but you go ahead!”
- “I’m doing dry (whatever the month is)” or “I’m trying an alcohol cleanse.”
- “Haven’t been feeling it lately.”
3. Try alternatives
Feel like every social event you go to is focused on alcohol? Don’t worry: De-centering drinking doesn’t mean you have to isolate yourself. Try finding alternatives. Whether it’s bringing your own nonalcoholic options to parties or holding a mocktail at the bar to avoid questions, you don’t have to miss out on having a fun drink just because it’s not alcoholic.
I’ve taken the sober curious lifestyle as an invitation to host more of the events I want to attend. I’ve seen online inspo of people turning their apartments into weekend “coffee shops” and making coffee drinks and pastries for their friends. I’m planning on hosting a matcha bar in my apartment to see a group of my friends on the weekend without going to the bar or brunch — it’s also way more cost-effective, especially if you make it a potluck.
“I’ve taken the sober curious lifestyle as an invitation to host more of the events I want to attend.”
For nighttime events, you can also try mocktail nights where you make one or more of the newly trending beverages that pop up online. Do this with friends or at home alone on a weeknight for a fun alternative to unwinding with a bottle of wine. Our editors have even put together a list of 99 sober activities if these ideas aren’t your cup of tea.
But alcohol isn’t only a social crutch. For me and many others, it can represent an escape from emotional overwhelm — a way to bypass stress or hard feelings. For this case, I’ve built a stress checklist — a visible list (Notes app for the win!) — of things and people I can turn to when I feel stressed instead of alcohol. Things like calling a friend, going on a walk, or even just taking a shower can get me past the urge to drink about my problems instead of facing them. And, of course, there’s nothing like a journaling session to help me process in the moment.
4. Find community
Part of the challenge of being sober is that sometimes you can feel like you have to keep it a secret. But sharing your journey with your friends might bring about the revelation that other people are feeling the same way. Even if they aren’t ready to meet you where you are, you might inspire them and become the person they reach out to when they are trying to de-center alcohol in their own lives.
“Sharing your journey with your friends might bring about the revelation that other people are feeling the same way.”
It can also be incredibly empowering to find a community that aligns with your “why.” If you’re looking for alternative ways to be social, start with the hobbyists. Try joining clubs or taking classes in your city. If you’re trying to enter a wellness era, make friends at a workout class. Finding people through similar interests is a great way to keep up the connection you might be worried about missing while sober.
Remember, not drinking isn’t about missing out
At the end of the day, you’ll find that lots of the mental blocks about drinking and your social life are just that — mental. It’s easy to get preoccupied worrying that by closing the door on drinking and all the social activities that come with it, you’ll be missing out on too much to make it worthwhile. But it’s been the opposite for me: By not drinking, I’ve only realized how much I was missing out on before. I’ve found that being creative with how I connect with my friends has actually brought us closer than sporadic happy hours in loud bars ever could.
“I’ve found that being creative with how I connect with my friends has actually brought us closer than sporadic happy hours in loud bars ever could.”
Remember, we’re all adults. And with the visibility of the sober curious lifestyle, most people can understand the impulse to de-center drinking. In most cases, people will accept your answer and move on — no matter how much you feel in the hot seat at the moment.
Being sober-curious shouldn’t feel restrictive, whether it’s for a night or more long term. At its best, it’s about discovering new ways to connect, celebrate, and unwind. As you continue beyond Dry January, focus on the possibilities rather than the limitations. Each time you connect back to your “why” and experience an alcohol-free social event, hangover-free morning, and authentic connection, you prove to yourself that you can do it.
Langa Chinyoka is a Contributing Editor at The Good Trade. She is a writer and strategist based in Los Angeles.